Tag: self-worth

Trusting the Universe: Divine Timing and New Beginnings

Life has a mysterious way of unfolding in ways we can’t predict or control. Often, when we are stuck in toxic patterns or clinging to the past, we forget that the universe has its own plan, one governed by divine timing. Trusting in this divine flow can feel like stepping into the unknown, but it is through this process that we discover personal growth, meaningful connections, and the peace we have been longing for. There is something profoundly glorious about the idea that everything unravels exactly as it should, even if it doesn’t align with our personal timelines. When you lean into divine timing, you free yourself from the pressure of forcing things to happen. Instead, you open yourself up to the magic of receiving what is meant for you. This requires patience and trust, by doing this you allow the natural course of life to carry you to new beginnings and greater possibilities.

The gift of loving yourself is priceless, this allows you to attract the love you are destined for. When we talk about soulmates, many people automatically think of romantic partnerships. The truth is, soulmates come in various forms like friends, mentors, or people who offer life-changing lessons. A soulmate is someone who connects with your soul on a deep spiritual level. They see you in ways others cannot, and they challenge you to grow and evolve. Sometimes, these connections will push you into the unknown, away from your comfort zone, and toward your true path. It’s in these relationships that divine timing works its magic, helping you heal old wounds, discover new facets about yourself, and step into your highest potential. To be open to receive this, there is another important part that is perhaps most challenging, letting go of a toxic past. The grip of the past can be powerful, only preventing you from embracing new beginnings. Healing begins when you release the belief that the past defines you. Forgiveness plays a major role here and we must remember forgive ourselves for the times we stayed too long, held on too tightly, or doubted our worth. By letting go you are able to reclaim your power. You allow space for peace to replace the chaos of what once was, and in doing so, you pave the way for new, healthier experiences to enter your life.

There is an undeniable beauty in starting over. New beginnings may feel daunting at first because they require us to step into unfamiliar territory. What we fail to see is that within the unknown lies limitless potential. Whether it’s a new relationship, career, or personal journey, new beginnings give you the opportunity to redefine yourself. Instead of carrying the weight of your past into these new chapters, try embracing them with an open heart and mind. A fresh start is an invitation from the universe to become a better version of yourself. Trust that as you align with divine timing and letting go of what no longer serves you, it will bring you one step closer to your true self and your soul’s purpose. When we choose peace over chaos, it is a conscious decision to prioritize your well-being and mental health over the noise and negativity of the past. It is about setting boundaries, honoring your needs, and allowing yourself to rest in the stillness of life. By choosing peace you align yourself with a positive energetic flow. You stop rushing and start trusting, You stop settling for less and demanding more. Most importantly, you create space for love, joy, and soul deep connections to flourish in your life. Life is an intricate dance between holding on and letting go. As you release old toxic patterns of the past and open yourself to love, you will find peace is no longer something you chase, it becomes a natural state of being. Trust the timing of your life. What’s meant for you will arrive at the right moment, not a minute sooner, and not a second too late.

Your Secrets Keep You Sick: Embracing Powerlessness and Finding Empowerment

“She stared into a nearly empty bottle wondering what her life had become. At first glance, she saw countless memories, endless nights of laughter, and waves of excitement. When she took a second glance all she saw was pain, shame, guilt, mistakes, and a tremendous amount of regret. A stillness whisked through the room leaving the option to soothe the tornado of turmoil in her mind or bring this paralyzing chapter to an end, and although she was used to pacifying these feelings that aided in her addiction, she knew this drink could possibly be her last”.

I am her and this is my take on recovery:

I want to preface all of this with the journey to recover from addiction as well as mental health issues is a path marked by courage, resilience, and profound transformation. This begins with the acknowledgment of a simple but powerful truth: your secrets keep you sick. The entire process takes leaps and bounds into the deepest corners of your being, bringing the most dreadful feelings straight to the surface. There is no other choice but to bare down and begin to uproot and untangle the years of repressed emotions, events, and trauma you buried so deep, you thought they were actually gone. There comes a time to let the secrets out and the healing begin, if chosen otherwise it could be detrimental to your very existence. Addiction generally masks things we do not want to deal with, which then leads to other symptoms, creating a much bigger problem. What cannot been seen to the naked eye in the very moments of its destruction will come to light sooner than later. It all comes down to a simple but frightening choice, do you want to live or do you want to die.

Once you have made the right choice, that is when the real work begins. Acceptance is the first pivotal step. This acceptance does not mean resignation but rather recognizing the reality of your situation as a foundation for transformation. The paradox of all of this is that true power comes from acknowledging powerlessness over addiction. Once you cross that bridge, you are open to the thought of surrender. Through surrender, you gain a new kind of power, the power to seek help, focus on change, and to build a new life. Many find strength in believing in a higher power that guides them or having a connection to something greater than themselves. Willpower alone is not going to cut it. This entire process offers a chance to explore your identity where you learn to appreciate your strengths and weaknesses. You begin to grow when you recognize and accept all parts of yourself that have led you to this point, ultimately understanding how you have become the person you are today. It is important to cultivate self-love by forgiving yourself for past mistakes and embrace the changes that develop. Recovery is a very delicate balancing act. Finding equilibrium between work, relationships, and healthy activities is crucial. Establishing a routine that includes time for therapy, meetings, and self-care helps maintain this balance. Through all of this your support system will be revealed. The encouragement and understanding from family, friends, therapists, and support groups will form the backbone of your recovery. Unfortunately, others will turn their backs, unable to understand your journey. While painful, this makes it clear who genuinely cares about your well-being. Make a deal with yourself that if anything hinders your peace, happiness, or sobriety, it must be removed from your life permanently. Being vulnerable and honest with yourself and others is a beautiful thing. It is imperative to come to terms with the concept of time and control. Time is the one thing we can never get back, so do the things that consist of self-love and mindfulness. We cannot control what others feel, think, or do, we can only control how we react to them. Through all of these highs and lows you become stronger and more resilient. Your self-worth reappears and you begin walk in your power, knowing you are capable of anything if you are willing to dedicate the time and consistency it takes to achieve the greatness you know you deserve. This is empowerment, embrace it. Stay focused on self-love and creating healthy boundaries, with this you will continue to learn and grow in this new normal you have been gifted.

Breaking the Chains of Trauma: Healing and Recovery

Trauma has a profound impact on our lives, shaping our behaviors, relationships, and even our brain chemistry. One of the most complex aspects of trauma is the phenomenon of trauma bonding, where individuals form intense connections with those who have caused them harm. Amidst the pain and suffering, there is hope for healing and transformation. Understanding trauma bonding is the key that will unlock the door to your freedom. Trauma bonding occurs when individuals develop strong emotional ties with their abusers or those who have caused them harm. This bond can be so powerful that is creates a sense of dependency, making it difficult for the victim to break free from the cycle of abuse. This often stems from a combination of fear, manipulation, and a desperate need for validation and acceptance. The impact of trauma on the brain is by far the most profound part of this cycle. Both childhood and adult traumatic experiences can reshape the brain, affecting its structure and function. Chronic stress combined with traumatic events can lead to dysregulation of the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, and the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision making and emotional regulation. This disruption can manifest symptoms such as hypervigilance, flashbacks, and difficulty forming trusting relationships.

The silver lining to all of this there is always a safe space within to begin the healing process. The healing process is a journey that requires courage, patience, and support. It begins with acknowledging the pain you have experienced and how it has impacted your life. Therapy, whether through individual, counseling, support groups, or trauma focused modalities like EMDR, DBT, and CBT, can provide invaluable tools for processing trauma and building resilience. The biggest part of this journey is releasing past trauma. This involves confronting painful memories, emotions, and beliefs that have been internalized over time. This process may involve forgiveness, both for yourself and others that have caused harm. It also requires setting healthy boundaries and learning to prioritize self-care and self-compassion.

Our behaviors are often shaped by our past experiences. Understanding the root causes of our actions can help us break free from destructive patterns and make healthier choices. It is essential to cultivate self-awareness and compassion towards ourselves as we navigate the complexities of trauma recovery. Although, not a linear process, recovering from trauma is possible. It involves facing challenges, setbacks, and triggers along the way. Building a strong support network, practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment can all contribute greatly to the healing journey. When all of this comes full circle, trauma bonding, releasing past trauma, and healing are intricate aspects of overcoming the impact of traumatic events. By understanding the effects this process has on our brains and behaviors, we can empower ourselves to break free from the chains of the past that weigh us down and embrace a future filled with immense healing, resilience, and growth.

Stepping Stones: Learning from Past Relationships

Past relationships serve as invaluable teachers, imbedding lessons that shape our understanding of love, resilience, and self-discovery. Each encounter, whether it be fleeting or enduring, leaves a mark on our journey towards emotional growth and fulfillment. Although, the aftermath of a breakup may seem daunting, it also presents an opportunity for profound introspection, revival, and renewal. There are many feelings and emotions to navigate during these turbulent times. However, it is within these moments of vulnerability that our resilience truly shines. Moving on from past relationship requires a steadfast commitment to self-care, compassion, and emotional healing. In these times we must honor our feelings without succumbing to despair and acknowledge and embrace the pain, while focusing on the possibility of renewal. When it comes to healing, this is a deeply personal part of the journey that will unfold as its own pace. This is the time we must confront our fears and embrace the transformative power of resilience. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family can provide solace and perspective during times of emotional imbalance. Engaging in activities that nourish the soul like creative expression, exercise, or mindful practices will foster a sense of empowerment.

Every relationship, regardless of its outcome, offers valuable insights into our desires, boundaries, and emotional needs. Reflecting on past experiences allows us to discern patterns, identify areas for personal growth, and cultivate greater self-awareness. It is safe to say that a failed relationship can teach us the importance of communication, trust, and the value of vulnerability. I believe it can also reveal the significance of self-love and the necessity of nurturing our own well-being. Creating a sense of gratitude for the lessons learned is an essential part of the process. Instead of viewing the past as a failure, reframe it as stepping stones towards greater emotional maturity and self-discovery. Every encounter or experience contributes to the shaping of our future relationships and our lives in general. Once you are armed with your newfound wisdom and prepared to move forward, you can embrace the complexity of human connections. This is the time to honor all of the lessons collectively and look onward to a promising future. As you stand on the threshold of new beginnings, do so with strength, grace, and an unwavering commitment to the journey of the heart.

From Your Valentine

Love is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life. 

Thanks to both Christian and ancient Roman tradition we celebrate this day of love in honor of St. Valentine. There are a few legends that surround this holiday that are perhaps a little too grim and gory to dive into. The one thing that each legend has in common is all three saints were martyred. Point being even in A.D. 270, people were throwing themselves on the sword in the name of love. It is alleged that prior to his death, Valentine wrote a letter to a girl he had fallen for and signed it “From your Valentine,” an expression that is used to this very day.

Present day, this glorified holiday is a time to express one’s feelings and exchange tokens of affection. Whether you are in a relationship or flying solo these days you should take the time to celebrate. In a matter of fact, you should celebrate the love you have for yourself and others everyday. I recently read something that resonated so highly, it was about looking back on your life and realizing the moments when you have truly lived, were the moments you had done things in the spirit of love. It is so true, when your heart is in the right place and you are leading with love, life is just seamless. Today can also be a time to reflect internally. If you are one that scowls at the thought of this day or love in general, maybe it is time to focus your energy on the people and things you surround yourself with. Ask yourself this one simple question. Is what you are doing benefiting you mentally, emotionally, and physically? If you hesitated for even a second, it is time to clean house. As hard as it may be to cut ties with people or things that do not serve you, trust me when I say it is always worth it. Life is way too short and precious to waste time, and time my friends is the one thing that we can never get back. Each waking second is a chance to start over, and see that you are amazing and deserve everything this world has to offer. Making your needs a priority is your first step. This requires you to really take a step back and ask yourself what makes you happy and truly brings you peace. Sometimes, we find ourselves in a place where we are unsure of what actually makes us happy because of the heartache or grief we have experienced. It is also common to become comfortable and complacent with the bare minimum when it comes to relationships with others as well as ourselves. In my opinion, that is the most dangerous place to be. My advice is jump out of your comfort zone, be spontaneous, and focus solely on yourself for a bit. You will find your way back, and by then all of the things you once thought were important will simply be a memory or a reminder of a place you never want to visit again. Start practicing self-care daily. Go for walk, soak up the sunshine, eat a healthy meal, spend time with those that inspire you. Whatever it is you choose to do, just start doing the things you love more often. 

Optical Illusion: The Flag is Red

Illusion can be defined as something that deceives or misleads intellectually. At times we tend to see only what we want to see, whether it be in ourselves, others, our jobs, or our social circles. I can say with complete conviction I have taken a long hard look in the mirror a few times and I did not know who I was looking at. I have seen someone I was so disgusted by in that mirror and I have also seen a beautiful boss bitch ready to conquer the world. It is unsettling and unbeknownst to us this is simply our brains misinterpreting and misleading us of what is actually real. When it comes to illusions, we can be experiencing sensory stimulus, but it is simply an interpretation that contradicts objective reality. A good example of this is in relationships, we often seen those vibrant red flags waving right in front of our eyes, and we choose to look the other way. We then create in our minds a version of what we want to see or who we want them to be. Personally, I can say that I am guilty of this and I have definitely danced on the fine line between illusion and delusion when talking about relationships. To be clear illusions are perceptual and delusions are belief disturbances. I hope to think that most of us are just born with a good heart and understand love and empathy. That was my first mistake, creating an illusion that others could love the way I love, love me the way I deserved to be loved, and be empathetic to my feelings as well as others. You can say it was hope and assumptions. We all know what happens we start assuming things. 

In my life I have done this in past relationships. I would start by making excuses, see more red flags, ignore them (insert self-hatred right about here), then magically my perception of said person would be grandiose, when in reality they were the absolute worst in every single way you could think of. Now, in reality-ville I see very clearly that my self-worth was not present, there was zero self-love, making it impossible to even love someone else, and I was creating a version of what I truly wanted that person to be even though that was completely impossible. This is what I mean by the fine line of illusion and delusion. I created something that wasn’t real because I could not accept the fact that this person was so far from checking any of the boxes that I now place the upmost importance on, and I actually believed that they could turn a new leaf or simply not be a complete piece of shit. I am not just talking about intimate relationships either, this goes for friends, family, co-workers, whoever. I am here to tell you this is just a small piece of the self-love jigsaw puzzle, because when the day comes that you do have that moment of enlightenment any of this crazy nonsense literally becomes irrelevant to your life. When you start vibing so high, leading with love and positivity, affirming you are absolutely amazing every single day, and can look in the mirror and say you are beautiful and I love you and actually whole heartedly mean it, that is when you begin to mirror power and confidence. The wild thing about exuding power and confidence is it attracts more power and confidence. The old life you once knew of dating or befriending liars, manipulators, cheaters, abusers, straight losers is over. That type of person wants someone who is weak-minded, has zero self-worth, and quite simply someone that is easy to take advantage of. In all actuality, those people are the mirrors of no self-worth, self-love, ambition, empathy, self awareness, I could go on forever. Moral of the story: love yourself so much and walk with such positive power that there is no chance on God’s green earth that one of those nefarious humans could ever come near you again.

Hello Darkness My Old Friend: The Downward Spiral

women s white framed sunglasses
Photo by YURI MANEI on Pexels.com

When I started this blog I was a lost soul and trying so hard to find myself. I just wanted to feel normal and I couldn’t seem to figure it out no matter how hard I tried. The darkness inside of me consumed my soul, filling me with a ton of negative energy.  My vicious routines had me going through the motions and achieving nothing. The drugs and alcohol clouded my judgement, the horrible self body image kept me hating myself, and the revolving door of poor choices was just the cherry on top. Unfortunately, we are our own worst enemy at times.  Perhaps, we are so use to the feeling of despair we avoid trying to find true happiness.  I wish I knew back then that I held the power to actually change up my entire mindset, but what is the fun in that?  Over the course of my life, I have experienced extreme highs and very low lows.  Even at my absolute worst, I was still learning and always had hope that better days were ahead.  I guess that is the silver lining to my story.  I will say that seeing real personal growth is beautiful, and it helps you put things into perspective.

When I started this blog, I used writing as an outlet mainly so I wouldn’t lose my mind and punch people in the throat. I was very angry and frustrated internally.  I used to bottle things up and then let them explode,  I was a ticking time bomb that could go off at any given second.  When you live with lies and have so many secrets you become filled with anger, crippling anxiety, overwhelming sadness, and a lot of rage.  My mistakes from all that pain alone have led me to this point in my life.  I also see clearly that my coping skills were non existent.  If I had been better prepared and or educated with the tools necessary to navigate these murky waters, this journey of mine would have been totally different.  I really believe that it all happened for a reason though.  When it comes to writing now, I feel that I write to help others know they are not alone. You are never alone. I am blessed I am able to express myself and creatively share my experiences with you.

Looking back I realize that my self-worth was altered at a pretty young age.  I am sure a lot of us have those moments that stick with us.  I remember being teased in grade school about my teeth, the shoes I wore, the backpack I carried, I mean hell you name it and I was bullied for it.  It was the same in junior high, I was too chubby and too tall.  In hindsight kids are fucking cruel.  I know now that those poor kids who bullied me were direct reflections of their shitty upbringing.  I also know that hurt people, hurt people.  This is what ultimately started my negative body image which led to a downward spiral of emptiness.  We all become products of our environment and my environment was toxic, so I embraced that fully.  Those feelings were the biggest links in the chain that was wrapped around my neck for the next 20 years of my life.  I know this is relatable and that is why I share my journey and I pray it reaches the right eyes. I knew even in my darkest moments I wanted more out of life.  It was deep rooted in me, in the core of my being that there was something bigger and greater for me to do.  The change starts with you. You have to believe in yourself with your whole heart and know that this road takes a lot of healing, patience, and love.  My greatest advice is to start loving yourself, do all of the things that bring you happiness, set strong boundaries, say no to things that do not serve you, and be consistent with positive impactful choices. Those choices will catapult you into the light and out of the dark.