Author: Kristin Fiabane

I am a published author, mental health advocate, and self-help enthusiast. My writing is a way to help others heal therapeutically and find their path to self-discovery. My mission is to inspire and be a beacon of light for those trying to find their way.

From Your Valentine

Love is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life. 

Thanks to both Christian and ancient Roman tradition we celebrate this day of love in honor of St. Valentine. There are a few legends that surround this holiday that are perhaps a little too grim and gory to dive into. The one thing that each legend has in common is all three saints were martyred. Point being even in A.D. 270, people were throwing themselves on the sword in the name of love. It is alleged that prior to his death, Valentine wrote a letter to a girl he had fallen for and signed it “From your Valentine,” an expression that is used to this very day.

Present day, this glorified holiday is a time to express one’s feelings and exchange tokens of affection. Whether you are in a relationship or flying solo these days you should take the time to celebrate. In a matter of fact, you should celebrate the love you have for yourself and others everyday. I recently read something that resonated so highly, it was about looking back on your life and realizing the moments when you have truly lived, were the moments you had done things in the spirit of love. It is so true, when your heart is in the right place and you are leading with love, life is just seamless. Today can also be a time to reflect internally. If you are one that scowls at the thought of this day or love in general, maybe it is time to focus your energy on the people and things you surround yourself with. Ask yourself this one simple question. Is what you are doing benefiting you mentally, emotionally, and physically? If you hesitated for even a second, it is time to clean house. As hard as it may be to cut ties with people or things that do not serve you, trust me when I say it is always worth it. Life is way too short and precious to waste time, and time my friends is the one thing that we can never get back. Each waking second is a chance to start over, and see that you are amazing and deserve everything this world has to offer. Making your needs a priority is your first step. This requires you to really take a step back and ask yourself what makes you happy and truly brings you peace. Sometimes, we find ourselves in a place where we are unsure of what actually makes us happy because of the heartache or grief we have experienced. It is also common to become comfortable and complacent with the bare minimum when it comes to relationships with others as well as ourselves. In my opinion, that is the most dangerous place to be. My advice is jump out of your comfort zone, be spontaneous, and focus solely on yourself for a bit. You will find your way back, and by then all of the things you once thought were important will simply be a memory or a reminder of a place you never want to visit again. Start practicing self-care daily. Go for walk, soak up the sunshine, eat a healthy meal, spend time with those that inspire you. Whatever it is you choose to do, just start doing the things you love more often. 

Optical Illusion: The Flag is Red

Illusion can be defined as something that deceives or misleads intellectually. At times we tend to see only what we want to see, whether it be in ourselves, others, our jobs, or our social circles. I can say with complete conviction I have taken a long hard look in the mirror a few times and I did not know who I was looking at. I have seen someone I was so disgusted by in that mirror and I have also seen a beautiful boss bitch ready to conquer the world. It is unsettling and unbeknownst to us this is simply our brains misinterpreting and misleading us of what is actually real. When it comes to illusions, we can be experiencing sensory stimulus, but it is simply an interpretation that contradicts objective reality. A good example of this is in relationships, we often seen those vibrant red flags waving right in front of our eyes, and we choose to look the other way. We then create in our minds a version of what we want to see or who we want them to be. Personally, I can say that I am guilty of this and I have definitely danced on the fine line between illusion and delusion when talking about relationships. To be clear illusions are perceptual and delusions are belief disturbances. I hope to think that most of us are just born with a good heart and understand love and empathy. That was my first mistake, creating an illusion that others could love the way I love, love me the way I deserved to be loved, and be empathetic to my feelings as well as others. You can say it was hope and assumptions. We all know what happens we start assuming things. 

In my life I have done this in past relationships. I would start by making excuses, see more red flags, ignore them (insert self-hatred right about here), then magically my perception of said person would be grandiose, when in reality they were the absolute worst in every single way you could think of. Now, in reality-ville I see very clearly that my self-worth was not present, there was zero self-love, making it impossible to even love someone else, and I was creating a version of what I truly wanted that person to be even though that was completely impossible. This is what I mean by the fine line of illusion and delusion. I created something that wasn’t real because I could not accept the fact that this person was so far from checking any of the boxes that I now place the upmost importance on, and I actually believed that they could turn a new leaf or simply not be a complete piece of shit. I am not just talking about intimate relationships either, this goes for friends, family, co-workers, whoever. I am here to tell you this is just a small piece of the self-love jigsaw puzzle, because when the day comes that you do have that moment of enlightenment any of this crazy nonsense literally becomes irrelevant to your life. When you start vibing so high, leading with love and positivity, affirming you are absolutely amazing every single day, and can look in the mirror and say you are beautiful and I love you and actually whole heartedly mean it, that is when you begin to mirror power and confidence. The wild thing about exuding power and confidence is it attracts more power and confidence. The old life you once knew of dating or befriending liars, manipulators, cheaters, abusers, straight losers is over. That type of person wants someone who is weak-minded, has zero self-worth, and quite simply someone that is easy to take advantage of. In all actuality, those people are the mirrors of no self-worth, self-love, ambition, empathy, self awareness, I could go on forever. Moral of the story: love yourself so much and walk with such positive power that there is no chance on God’s green earth that one of those nefarious humans could ever come near you again.

It’s a Vibe: The Law of Attraction, The Law of Vibration, and Manifestation

The concept that we are all magnetic forces of energy roaming the earth was hard for me to grasp in the beginning of my journey. I always understood when I would hear someone say something about what we put out into the universe or the world is what we get back. I didn’t understand the actual weight of that phrase until I dove deeply into manifestation, meditation, mantras, the Law of Attraction, and the Law of Vibration. The power of the universe is wildly heavy and when you fully grasp what you are capable of you become limitless. I know this concept is hard for some to cognitively wrap their head around, there were moments during my journey where I had to question it. Scientifically, researchers have found that vibrations and electromagnetic energy associated within humans causes changes in our cells, which can then effect how your body functions. Different molecules vibrate at different rates and those rates can speed up or slow down if conditions around the molecules change. At the most basic level, everything in the universe is made up of energy and according to the Law of Vibration everything in the universe is in a constant state of movement. The speed or rate at which something vibrates is called frequency. 

I am sure at one point or another you have heard most of these words and either thought to yourself this is hocus pocus nonsense or you were like me and thought ok that makes perfect sense. I started to fill my brain with every bit of knowledge possible on the laws, manifestation, meditation, breathwork, the power of the universe, and mantras. I read countless books, I listened to audiobooks, podcasts, I followed specific people across all social media platforms that specialize in this to learn as much as my mind, body, and soul could absorb. I came across the book “The Secret” during my plunge into the findings of the universe and all it holds. If you know, you know. If you do not, please go read it. This really focused on the Law of Attraction which is based upon your thoughts and feelings as to what you attract into your life. However, you cannot apply this law without understanding the Law of Vibration. This is the primary law because vibration is what causes attraction. To simplify this, your thoughts are vibrating at a particular frequency, this is attached to your feelings, and it is the combination of the those that dictate your body’s vibration. If you are vibrating at a high level you are generally positive, optimistic, open to love, experience joy and happiness throughout all aspects of your life. If you are vibrating at a low level you most likely talk negatively to yourself and others, you are anxious, frustrated, angry, and live with fear. As the law works you simply cannot attract joy when you live in fear and anxiety. Luckily, by choosing your vibration, you can use the law to link up with anything you want and desire. Start by finding the energy and feelings you enjoy. Begin to visualize the things you want in life, use affirmations, mantras, or vision boards. The choice is truly up to you. Whatever it is you choose, make sure that you align your thoughts, feelings, and actions so that they are all operating at the same frequency. This is when both laws work in harmony and the real magic happens. Attract who you are not just what you want. Aligning yourself with likeminded people during this time is also very important. Your vibe actually does attract your tribe. Vibe high and the opportunities will be endless.

Forgive Me Father for I Have Sinned

I had the pleasure of finding an old blog I wrote around 2016-2017. This thing was locked and loaded with goodies. Dear lord hear me when I say there was poor writing, repetitive word vomit, negative projections, and a somewhat bitter tone.

I was perplexed with some of the content I stumbled across but I also saw a pattern almost instantly. I continuously wrote about how happy I finally was and honestly at that point I was not that happy. Nonetheless, I was projecting a lot and being able to see that was good for me and totally relatable to the therapy I am currently doing. I have never been shy about seeing a therapist or taking meds. To me the meds were a band-aid to a deep cut that I realized I could actually heal on my own with the proper care. I can say that with confidence now due to some life altering situations and countless years of therapy. The wounds do heal. Clearly, I have learned a little something along the way. Now, back to the dumpster fire I called a blog that I wrote many moons ago. My clear consensus on the descriptive yet slightly aggressive text and subtext was I was dying to be what those words read. I was yearning to be happy and healthy and all the other bullshit I splattered across those pages. I was on my way, but I was NOT even close to being there. See, my problem is I can definitely overcome challenges or hardships, whatever you choose to call it. Once I conquer one insanely complex problem I think in my crazy mind I can take on the world now or I’m healed. Negative ghost rider, I was so far from the finish line and my ignorance was just an unhealed version of myself that I didn’t even really know. Hell, I wasn’t even half way through the thick of it yet. I really thought I had cracked the code. That is laughable. My growth since then helps me see the humor in the pain of my past.

Another hard pill to swallow was seeing the toxic yet predictable pattern in the individuals I chose to date. Dear God, if you are up there listening, I am sorry for I have sinned. Over and over for many years. I’m not sure if that is considered a sin or complete lapse in judgement. Let’s just go with poor self-worth, mixed with a touch of self-hatred, and a dash of self-sabotage. That my friends is a recipe for a total disaster. That disaster was my life. The saddest part to all of that is, after I wrote that blog about love, gratitude, happiness, blah blah fucking blah. Guess what? I did the same shit a few more times. Like, I was going for the Guinness book of world records for dating complete and total schmucks. If you are reading or hearing about this and you crossed my path in the past, take a breath, not all of you were total wastes of life. Although, if you are bothered by my words I am going to guess you fall into the “schmuck” category. For that I can say sorry, not sorry. On a real note I am to blame too and I know I allowed unacceptable behavior and intolerable bullshit. So, shame on me too. If you are on your self-love journey please avoid the disaster cocktail I mentioned above.

Now, fast forward to present day, I am still seeing a therapist but I switched it up this time. I didn’t wait until my world collapsed to seek help. With the gentle nudge from two of my biggest supporters, I decided to actually do the work this time and fix all the shit I had projected to be good and normal for so long. I am not saying there were not good or happy moments in my life. I hope this doesn’t read as a totally negative sob story or pity party. That is not the point I am trying to drive home here. Until this very moment in my life, did I actually have that AH HA moment I thought I had so long ago. We live and we learn, right? I hope to God, because at this point my broken record of crap choices is simply that; broken. Like snapped in half. No more. Done.

A good friend once told me one day you just get to a point where you have had enough and that is it. Game over. Well, folks I think I made it to the next level. I am not quite to the finish line just yet, but definitely a little closer than I was before. I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am grateful for that because it became pretty dark on this side. On top of that I actually see myself for who I really am and if I can be honest I think I am pretty awesome. If your into that OCD, self-loving, natal chart reading, witchy vibing, kind of crazy type.

Now, it is on to the next chapter. I am pretty excited for what is ahead. I am motivated and in a different honest headspace. I am not sure I have ever been this honest and open. It’s all for the greater good. This mission I am on is to shed light on the crazy events or circumstances people actually go through and to give them hope that there is always an answer or a solution to better yourself. Also, to point out the wild people we cross paths with that literally make imprints on our souls that inevitably lead us to who we become. I am pumped to take you on this journey with me.

You are Enough: Practices of Self-Love

Love is the universal language that can bring us an abundance of joy. If you let yourself love a little more in any avenue of your life I am willing to bet that happiness would follow.

It all starts with LOVE.  The best version of love is not what others give us, but what we are taught to give ourselves so that we can teach others how to properly love us. Self-love is the root of it all. If you woke up everyday and told yourself five positive things and continued to do that everyday, eventually you would embody those things.  If you think with a positive mindset you will attract exactly that. We talk to ourselves a lot throughout the day. Roughly, 60,000 thoughts enter and circulate our minds daily.  Imagine if over half of that was negative?  Negative self talk can truly be damaging, yet we do it more than not.  That is the crazy part about life, we are not taught in school or anywhere really about how we speak to ourselves and how it will ultimately effect us, or our mirror image and how it literally magnetizes everything we do and everyone we come in contact with.  I wish that when I was younger someone told me I could manifest all my hopes and desires, that it could build my self-worth so massively that I could feel unstoppable, and that we are able to live our best life when we lead with that type of love for ourselves. If you know you are enough, then you my friend have cracked the code.

You honestly only need a few things to be true to yourself and to really embrace this type of love.

  • Confidence
  • Self acceptance
  • Prioritize your needs
  • Set healthy boundaries
  • Forgive yourself when needed

We have to start living at our highest potential and acquire skills that lead us to help others while helping ourselves. We need to achieve deeper and more meaningful relationships. We need to feel safe with ourselves and the people we choose to surround ourselves with. My dad always said “tell me who you walk with and it will tell me who you are”.  I may not have truly understood that then, but I sure do now.  Last but not least, we need give our body the things it needs to function best: proper sleep, a clean healthy diet, meditation, reading, writing, practicing gratitude, consistent exercise, fresh air, sunshine, all of the things that will positively lead us to feeling, looking, and being our best self.

Think about it this way if you’re waking up each day with a grateful heart that is full of love and positivity you are only going to pass that on to everyone you have an interaction with. Your actions alone can help someone in need.  Once you really love yourself it is easy to love others.  It will also help you realize what you will and will not accept in your life.  All the pieces of the puzzle will come together and you will finally see YOU ARE ENOUGH!!

Everything is Temporary: Staying True to Yourself

I often look back and take an inventory of my life. For example, at specific points I like to reflect on who I was at that moment in time, what did I believe in, what made me happy, who was I hanging around with, who was I dating, where was I working, and what were my goals. You know, stuff like that. When I start to assess the lists, I begin to see clearly where I was in my self-love journey. I feel like those are markers to keep good place holders on past progression. With all of those assessments, I was able to really see myself and although it can be super liberating, it was really scary at times. This is all a part of of the process and how we ultimately grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Present day, I continuously preach about getting back what we put out. I believe I truly knew that back in the day, I just didn’t care enough to live by it. I still had a bunch of learning to do. I fully embrace that now, and it was all of those lessons that made me who I am today. I feel like the majority of the time we know what we are doing as far as hanging with the wrong crowd, or doing stupid shit. We are taught at a pretty young age about right and wrong, and unless you are complete sociopath you generally know when you are doing something that is morally wrong or goes against every single thing that you believe in or stand for. 

Looking back, I wish I realized sooner that everything is temporary. I use to stress out so hard and worry my life away over dumb shit that really didn’t matter. I see now, that some of that was learned behaviors. I feel like when we don’t have the proper self-worth or self-love in place we can really fall off the rails. I used to be such a grudge holder and honestly that is draining and pointless. Once you fully embrace the fact that you cannot control others actions, opinions, or emotions, and that we are only responsible for our own, can you really start to let shit go. That is my message to you. Let it go. I am going to go out on a limb and say that 9 times out of 10, the things that really stress you out or grind your gears are the shitty actions or words of others, right? We do it to ourselves and often forget at the end of the day we hold the key to our own emotions and happiness. No one else can make you happy if you do not truly feel it within you. Trust and believe that a little self-love goes a long way. You learn lessons from people and situations and those lessons are a stepping stone. Use each stone to move towards what you really want in life. Let it strengthen you and prepare you for what comes next. Even if you have to cross hundreds of stones, know that everything is temporary and you are in total control of your life. Stay true to yourself and your journey.

Hello Darkness My Old Friend: The Downward Spiral

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Photo by YURI MANEI on Pexels.com

When I started this blog I was a lost soul and trying so hard to find myself. I just wanted to feel normal and I couldn’t seem to figure it out no matter how hard I tried. The darkness inside of me consumed my soul, filling me with a ton of negative energy.  My vicious routines had me going through the motions and achieving nothing. The drugs and alcohol clouded my judgement, the horrible self body image kept me hating myself, and the revolving door of poor choices was just the cherry on top. Unfortunately, we are our own worst enemy at times.  Perhaps, we are so use to the feeling of despair we avoid trying to find true happiness.  I wish I knew back then that I held the power to actually change up my entire mindset, but what is the fun in that?  Over the course of my life, I have experienced extreme highs and very low lows.  Even at my absolute worst, I was still learning and always had hope that better days were ahead.  I guess that is the silver lining to my story.  I will say that seeing real personal growth is beautiful, and it helps you put things into perspective.

When I started this blog, I used writing as an outlet mainly so I wouldn’t lose my mind and punch people in the throat. I was very angry and frustrated internally.  I used to bottle things up and then let them explode,  I was a ticking time bomb that could go off at any given second.  When you live with lies and have so many secrets you become filled with anger, crippling anxiety, overwhelming sadness, and a lot of rage.  My mistakes from all that pain alone have led me to this point in my life.  I also see clearly that my coping skills were non existent.  If I had been better prepared and or educated with the tools necessary to navigate these murky waters, this journey of mine would have been totally different.  I really believe that it all happened for a reason though.  When it comes to writing now, I feel that I write to help others know they are not alone. You are never alone. I am blessed I am able to express myself and creatively share my experiences with you.

Looking back I realize that my self-worth was altered at a pretty young age.  I am sure a lot of us have those moments that stick with us.  I remember being teased in grade school about my teeth, the shoes I wore, the backpack I carried, I mean hell you name it and I was bullied for it.  It was the same in junior high, I was too chubby and too tall.  In hindsight kids are fucking cruel.  I know now that those poor kids who bullied me were direct reflections of their shitty upbringing.  I also know that hurt people, hurt people.  This is what ultimately started my negative body image which led to a downward spiral of emptiness.  We all become products of our environment and my environment was toxic, so I embraced that fully.  Those feelings were the biggest links in the chain that was wrapped around my neck for the next 20 years of my life.  I know this is relatable and that is why I share my journey and I pray it reaches the right eyes. I knew even in my darkest moments I wanted more out of life.  It was deep rooted in me, in the core of my being that there was something bigger and greater for me to do.  The change starts with you. You have to believe in yourself with your whole heart and know that this road takes a lot of healing, patience, and love.  My greatest advice is to start loving yourself, do all of the things that bring you happiness, set strong boundaries, say no to things that do not serve you, and be consistent with positive impactful choices. Those choices will catapult you into the light and out of the dark.

Starving for Attention: The Road to Recovery

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How many times on a daily basis do you find yourself saying “I wish I was a little taller, thinner, wiser, faster, richer, stronger?  We all tend to wish a lot of things at times.  Some are possible and some are a bit further out of reach than others, but really anything is possible right?  It is possible to see a super model in the magazine and think “I want to be just like that” and with the proper training and consistency, you could probably get pretty close to the goal you set.  Unfortunately, we live in the world with a mentality of I want it and I want it now.  The crazy part to all of that nonsense is nothing good in life comes easy and it generally doesn’t come quickly either.  I learned that at a young age, if you truly want something that is worth anything you are going to have to work real hard to get it.   Key words here are hard work.  We all know those two words, most of us use them often.  Saying and doing are two totally different things and for some this is one of those hard lessons to learn.  I was the queen of saying and simply never doing, and looking back now that is a wild thing to wrap my head around considering I get super annoyed when people do that present day.  Due to this lapse in judgment my hopes and dreams literally just continued to be just that because I never took any action.  I would get very excited and motivated about life, work, a relationship, anything worth meaning, but eventually I let it slip through my fingers and knowing what I know now, it is all do to fear or a volatile form of self-sabotage.  Either way, both of those things really suck.  I was depleted of any self-worth or self-esteem.  I was going through the motions of a normal life, but inside I was starved for anything real.  In hindsight, I was an empty black hole and the void was simply to big to fill or so I thought.  I chose to let people into my life that I should have never let anywhere near me.  Fortunately, for me I learned a lot of valuable lessons from those people.  I can say with confidence those were possibly the most important lessons I have ever learned, even though it was from those very people that sucked every bit of good out of me.  Let me back track just a tiny bit.

When we are young we are taught to have goals and dreams.  We all want to be successful.  Some of us go on to do just that, I applaud and commend those people.  There is another portion of people that play their cards safe, get an education, find a decent job, not a dream but a job, and live life. Then there are people like me who go to school and end up doing something completely different than what they had planned, and then there is the wild cards, who go crazy and never have any true direction.  Point being is, we all have some goal in mind or some important thing that drives us. Growing up I always wanted to be the best in every aspect of my life, I believe that stemmed from my upbringing and childhood trauma but that is another story another day.  I feel most of us are raised and taught to strive for the absolute best no matter what.  That is where I ran into my first real problem in life.  Wanting to be the “BEST” at everything.  It hurts when you get defeated, rejected, or outcasted.  Sometimes, that hurt that we feel can be damaging in more ways than our mind can even fathom.  I quickly found out that even if I worked as hard as possible, there was a chance that I may lose the game, not get an A+ on the test, not get the time I anticipated on that mile run.  Some, take that and turn it into gasoline to make that fire inside them burn stronger.  I made a mistake by letting that fire burn me alive.  With that came self-doubt, a plummet in the old self-esteem, a plethora of self-pity.  Those are the exact things that will send your world crashing and crumbling down around you. Yet, there I was pretending to be happy, the outgoing little butterfly, athletic, motivated, ambitious girl that looked normal on the outside, but was spiraling out of control on the inside.  Body image was something I didn’t think about as a kid, even though I got teased and tortured about my teeth and height when I was young.  I thank Christophe-Francois Delabarre for inventing braces in the 1800’s because this little girl was in desperate need of some orthodontic assistance.  I moved to the Indiana after my parents brutal divorce.  Let me tell you, that was a complete doozie and played a huge part in my deep rooted traumas and beyond poor body image as a teenager into my adult life.  I literally became fixated on my appearance and it all led back to my extreme lack of self-worth, self-esteem, self-love, you get the point.

For the longest time I was like a chameleon, morphing into all these different people because I was trying to find myself.  I was always trying to please others just to be accepted and I would do just about anything to fit in.  I got teased about my weight and height here and there, which in the beginning didn’t really bother me.  Until it did.  That is when my entire world changed and I started living a double life fueled by starvation, binging, and purging.  If anyone reading this is living this way currently or has in the past you know what I mean when I say it is completely draining and consumes your whole world.  The string of events that followed once I lost my self-confidence consisted of so many horrible mood swings, outbursts, and downright intolerable behavior.  I feel bad for anyone that was along for the ride at that point and if you are still with me, I must say thank you from of the bottom of my heart for believing in me, and I LOVE YOU!  I chose the greatest form of self-sabotage and I let it run my life for well over a decade.  I have never openly spoken about this topic and some of the closest people in my lives may not know, but I’m sure they had an idea.  I am generally an open book at times, but not with this.  Some things are embarrassing and so beyond scary to discuss.  You have to really be open and ready to talk about things that are real like this.  I was sick and I knew it every time I looked in the mirror.  Obsessed with my weight and the food I consumed.  I couldn’t even ingest a morsel of food without thinking about how to get it out as fast as possible.  That alone is tiring and super depressing.

Up to 24 million people of all ages and genders suffer from eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating in the United States.  Only 1 in 10 men and women with eating disorders receive treatment.  Only 35% of people that receive treatment for eating disorders get treatment at a specialized facility for eating disorders.  Almost 50% of people with eating disorders meet the criteria for depression.  Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.  Those are just a few statistics to get everyone on the same page.  It is real, it is serious, and it will kill you if you let it.  I am choosing to speak out about this because I chose to change my life.  It was so hard, I can say some of the hardest work I have ever done, but I did it and it was worth it.  I am so grateful I made it out alive, and I am not a part of the death toll that rises every day from these specific diseases.  I want to bring awareness to people so that they too can get the proper help that is readily available.  After over 15 years of binging and purging or straight starving myself I surrendered. I felt so defeated and that is when I really looked deep inside myself and saw way more to my life than what it was.  I knew I was put on this earth for more than just going through the motions of life.   I am here to help bring awareness to people that suffer from these life altering choices.  If I can change my life and my stubborn ways, I know that anyone can if they truly want to.  I was so afraid and my fear is what paralyzed me into believing I could never get better because I was in too deep.  That is the bullshit you make up in your head to keeping doing the dumb shit that got you into that position in the first place.  Excuses, they are constant when you try to justify bad behavior.  At some point self-worth needs to rear its pretty little head and smack the clouded judgement out of you so you can see your actual worth and how great you really are.  Once I made the conscious decision to truly change my life, I felt like superwoman, unstoppable, almost invincible at times and let me tell you today I walk with my head held high and my shoulders back because I am proud of who I am and what I have overcome with my eating disorder.  Those dreams I had as a kid did come true, because I am the best that I can be and I get better every day.  I think everyone should get to feel the joys of life and all it has to offer.  We sometimes have to hit rock bottom to look up and see how far we have fallen. The easy part was falling all that way.  The hardest part is actually taking care of yourself.  There is no quick fix with something as serious as this.  Hard work is required, not just to recover but to also heal from the inside out.  If you know anyone who struggles with an issue like this and it is keeping them from living a better, healthier life, please put out your hand to help.  Say something even if you get yelled at or lied to.  I will tell you this it is worth saying, because that may be the one time it clicks for them and could possibly save their life.  I know that we can all relate to this somehow or know someone who can relate to this in some way.  Take a stand for your life and know your worth.  Tell yourself everyday you are beautiful, courageous, wonderful, and worth something. Life is what you make it, so make it absolutely amazing.

Iron Minds: The Choices That Create Our Future

We are faced with challenges day in day out.  It is how we handle those challenges that matter the most. Ok, I am going to throw it back a bit.  When I was in junior high I ran track and field.  I truly loved and it I lived for the rush it provided.  I ran the 100 meter, did the long jump, and ran hurdles.  I always wanted to be the fasted and most of all the winner.  I mean who doesn’t?  One day I was running the hurdles and I got tripped up and let me tell you I fell straight onto my face, scrapping up my hands, knees, elbows, everything.  It hurt physically so bad, but you know what hurt the most?  My ego.  I was so embarrassed and in my mind at that point I was defeated.  Of course, I got back up and continued because I simply had to.  It took all of my being not to burst into tears out of pure embarrassment and utter disappointment.  In that moment I let my hurt ego dictate my decisions and I listened when it told me “you failed.”  After that day I did not want to run the hurdles ever again, and I can’t even believe I’m typing this, but I never ran them again.  Such a coward move on my part.  I let the little voice in my head control my decision making process instead of controlling my own mind and saying suck it up and try again until you get it right.  Point being, I handled that obstacle very poorly.  Literally.  In life sometimes we do things that we know we can succeed at.  That is the easy part.  What about the things in life that really challenge us?  Do you just decide to always play it safe and not bet on yourself out of fear of failure?  Some people do.  I can speak from experience when I say I have made too mistakes to count.  I do not regret a single one of them because I have learned something from all of them for the most part.  I can also speak from experience when I say I have been afraid to try things in my life out of fear that I would fail.  Nobody wants to feel that way, nobody wants to try really hard at something and give up simply out of fear of what comes next.  Our lives are based upon a matter of choices.  We can choose to do the bare minimum, not taking any chances, and inevitably not succeed at anything.  You can also take complete control of your life and try to do the absolute best at every single thing you do.  If you are motivated enough and have a little ambition anything, and I mean anything is possible!  Life is too ironic to understand at times, it takes true sadness or tragedy for us to know what real happiness is or what we value the most.  There is no better time than now to appreciate the life you have and really give it your all .  Do not wait to understand, do not wait for the disappointment because trust me it will come, and do not wait until it is too late to make the right choices.  Time is not on our side generally speaking and it is the one thing we cannot get back. I believe true happiness is really accepting where you are in life and making the best out of every single day.  If you don’t like it then change it.  No one wants to look back at their lives and say “I wish I would have done more” and unfortunately that happens every single day.

I know in my mind I have always seen the bigger picture.  The mind is such a powerful thing, it is wild when you really dive in.  We can make ourselves believe things that are not true, we can talk ourselves out of taking risks, and inevitably become our own worst enemy.  The term self-sabotage is real and detrimental to our well-being.  If you really think you can’t do something, well there is a good chance you probably won’t do it.  If you think you will do it tomorrow you most likely won’t get to it, and before you have even tried to do anything because your mind has already told you NO!  What we must remember is, do what you love and do it often.  If you are not happy then change it, if you don’t like your job quit and get a better one, if you want to achieve a goal make a plan and take action, if you are looking for love please stop, it will find you when you start to love yourself.  Life is quite simple my friends.  We should all try to open our minds and hearts to new things, share inspiring thoughts and dreams, and set big goals that scare the shit out of you.  You are in control of your life and the world is yours.  Make the best choices possible, because you never know when that one choice will be the one to change your life forever!

Mistakes: The Keys To Freedom

The most valuable lessons I have learned along the way have been by making countless mistakes.  The positive piece to this is that each mistake has taught me something about myself as well as others, and has helped with my personal growth. What if we had a chance to do those things over, do you ever think of what you would change and why?  It is something to ponder, but believe it or not, those experiences are the things that made us who we are today.  I believe our mistakes are the keys to our freedom.  We are constantly learning, growing, and evolving while gaining knowledge that unbeknownst to us, is the exact thing that creates strength and resilience.  I am beyond grateful for all of the mistakes that led to those hard times.  It was silently creating a warrior beast inside of me that would eventually emerge.  We have to take a step back sometimes, to begin to understand how our decisions shape us and ultimately create our reality.  If we are not learning, we are not growing.  If we are not growing, we are further away from self-discovery. 

This is the voyage into the depths of our being, an exploration of our inner landscape, and an unraveling of what makes us who we are.  Self-discovery is not a destination, but a continuous process, a series of revelations that shape the understanding of ourselves and the world around us.  Once we are able to peel away the layers of societal conditioning, expectations, and fear, that is when we uncover the essence of our true selves. At the heart of it lies introspection, the art of looking inward with honesty and compassion.  It is about asking the tough questions and being brave enough to confront the answers, even when they challenge our preconceived notions or shake the foundations of our beliefs.  Becoming attuned to the whispers of our intuition and our deepest desires is a large part of heightened consciousness and self-awareness. We have to focus on the ability to observe ourselves without judgment and to embrace the imperfections as a part of our humanity.  As you dive deeper into this process, you may encounter parts of yourself that been long ignored or find suppressed fears, insecurities, and unresolved traumas.  Yet, it is in acknowledging and accepting these darker parts of ourselves that we reclaim our power and wholeness.  By embracing our darkness we can truly start to appreciate the light within us.